This webpage is being started, after receiving the following e-mail, December 21, 2000, from his mother: Joyanna: Adam has made parole and will be home in 60 to 90 days.....he wanted me to let you know...you have always had such a positive influence on him and he does care for you because of it. You were next after his grandmother for me to contact.....thanks for your continued support for sooooo many years. Let me know when you will be back down this way.....Love Linda The next letter was written two days before he appeared before the Parole Board: 12-18-00 Hi Joyanna, It was great hearing from you today. The photos of your new great-grandchild were nice, as well. I go before the Parole Board December 20th. It's my time, I believe in my heart. I'll write as soon as I know.l Even if they deny me, I'll go again in June. I've got a good job here, and it'll mean I save some money, if they deny me. Yes, now I study the Great Work and Divine Law. It's quite amazing actually. Not to mention all my thoughts about the Divine Spark within each of us is true also. Remember when I had all thos vision back in '90? Well, it turns out they are all true. I study every evening and meditate as well. I've only one "demon" left, and that's tobacco, but in due time it'll be gone also. There are many people who have visions and eventually they'll find their way to the Rose Cross. You were right all along, Joyanna, it's through Love that everything is conquered. It is a lifelong quest, however, and I'm well on my now. I'll go for my confirmation in two years, once all my studies are done. Yes, My Friend, I do have many great things to do, once I'm out. I plan on setting up an anonymous donation to set up a fund for prisoners who cannot afford to buy books. Also, a low-income housing project, as well. Good deeds for great reasons. For I've found if you do good, it's returned to you ten-fold. Yes, if the Board grants me parole and I'm accepted, I'll head on back home to help my mother and Ken. Nothing wrong with hard work. I'll work, and also make jewelry in the evenings. I enjoy creating jewelry and have a lot of plans for it, once I'm out. I'm going to buy some gold and work strictly in gold, white gold, 10 karat. I made a price list for all I needed and it came to 2 k, so I revised it and found I can do it all for $500.00. Well, guess I'll close here. With Love, Adam |
(The following excerpt from Golden Moments of Revelation in Out in the Universe, describe Joyanna's last prison visit with Adam Martin) "There's Been an Incident" In the meantime, another mystery remained: why wasn't Adam getting released this month? I'd hoped that the story of his release and our celebration, with his family, would be part of this chapter, but now I decided to visit him and find out for myself. Not the golden moment I'd hoped to record, but still worthy of writing. I'd visited Adam many times during his seventeen-years incarceration, at several different locations, so we knew our way to the prison, east of Tucson. But the visits are so far apart that I forget the exact procedure; and each prison is different: some require quarters only for the vending machines, and others insist on bills; this one requires quarters, so I took along my stash of laundry coins. Next, what color clothes are required? Again, each prison varies, depending on their uniforms, so a prisoner wouldn't be able to steal a visitor's clothes in order to escape non-detected. This prison's clothes code is orange, so I wore maroon pants and a blue sweatshirt, as it was unusually cold for the desert. Van walked with me to the entrance, and then left in the RV, because the security officers don't like anyone hanging around the parking lot, so he would return at 2:30. I hoped he'd be punctual, because last time we got out early and he was late, leaving me alone in the parking lot. This time, once at the Visitor's Entrance (outside), I showed my ID, signed in, passed through the door into the inner courtyard and walked past the orange-clad inmates and their visitors to the building, knowing that later Adam and I would, no doubt, come outside. I filled out the forms and sat at a table, midst the sea of orange scattered with civilian garb worn by family, sweethearts, wives and kids, and maybe a few others, such as myself. Usually the Latinos and Blacks outnumber the Whites, but this group seemed equally divided, as I wondered what crimes each had committed. It's for sure that looking at them, it could be any group of people; nothing, other than the clothes and ID cards, would identify them as criminals. Adam explained that the majority of the younger offenders (18-30) are there for drug-related crimes, and some for DUI (driving under the influence). What a waste of life. Adam, for instance, has been in prison since he was sixteen, other than a few years between incidents. And, of course, this last incarceration resulted from getting caught while on a bank scam with his dad, as part of the "family business." He stood there, after being arrested, and watched his dad run across the field, shoot at the police, and then get gunned down by one, a story that he reiterated, today, as we talked. Although orange is not his best color, Adam looked good, with his dark, pulled back pony-tail, mustache and twinkling blue eyes. We hugged, and I could feel that his energies were clear, once he'd made the choice to change careers from crime, since he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in prison. That's one good thing he'd learned from his dad, who, at 37, was only two years older than Adam is now, when we first began corresponding. But all that is another story, which I've written in Not my Day to Die. This is another day, and it's Adam's story. And it will be a much different one than Donnie's, because Adam has his entire life ahead of him, and he has a good head on his shoulders and he's able to make good decisions. For instance, I listened as he outlined his plans: ranging from A to Z, as he put it, and then back to the beginning from 1 to infinity. Like his dad, Adam believes in having a diversified curriculum of activities, all of which result in high profit. My head spins, whenever he starts listing his itinerary: everything from buying and renting out used mobile homes to building wood patios and screened porches. And he already has ideas for using the Internet legally for an auction; and he intends to continue his gem business, making fine jewelry and selling for a high profit. He even intends to have a raffle and donate some of the profit to Inner Freedom Ministry. My favorite discussion with Adam revolves around spiritual matters, because he has studied and understands the deeper things, so I could discuss with him about my visit with Bob Davey, and he knows exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, he was extremely interested in the breaking of the code of the bible, and he wanted Bob to send this information to a friend who is interested in the Kabbala. The day went on, as we chatted; sometimes inside and sometimes outside (while Adam smoked a cigarette). And around noon, we selected our items from the vending machine and ate outside, despite the unseasonable cloudy cool weather. Although Adam has chosen not to continue a life of crime, he loves to talk about his past accomplishments, especially the feeling of power and control that it afforded, even changing the course of history, to some extent; a fete I am not at liberty to discuss, though it explains why he and his dad were on the "Most Wanted" list. took advantage of the opportunity to caution him not to indulge in talking about those addictive criminal activities, because, like any addiction, the association will give them power and could cause their energies to regain control of his life, just like an alcoholic working in a brewery. It's very slippery business. He agreed, saying that he and Michael would have one good session talking about the "good old days," and then he would put his energies elsewhere. I don't think Adam realizes how quickly those negative energies take over, but they definitely have a disrupting effect on me. For instance, he reminded me of the fact that my home was under surveillance and my wire tapped, during their "Most Wanted" days. Whew! I sometimes wonder why or how I got into this situation. And then I thank God for guiding and protecting me. Adam gives me credit for having had a positive influence in his life, yet we both know that it's his choices that makes the difference. However, I appreciate his acknowledgment for my efforts, because I have put forth a tremendous amount of energy into supporting him, and his brother, and their dad. I don't know why I was brought into their lives, but I accept that part of my destiny, and I continue to follow the guidance. For instance, I had offered to take Adam with us to his mom's, but it turns out that he must be there within 24-hours, which we would never be able to do in our motor home. But, we can meet him, when he is released, and take him to the bank and for new clothes and to the airport, if he gets out while we are in the area. We both felt that he would be out in March, but it might not allow us time to go to their home and get back to Dottie's for Easter, so time will tell. A sidelight on the subject of Adam's clothes: The state issued garments have the words "Releasee" typed across the front and back. Can you imagine how humiliating that is? And they are not given a coat, either, so if they are headed to cold country, they are in trouble. Fortunately, Adam has earned some money from his prison job, so he can afford to buy new clothes. When I shared with him that Michael had burned his release clothes, Adam was disgusted, saying, "He could have sold them. I'm going to sell mine for at least $50.00." "You mean people want to buy them?" I asked. "Oh yeah! Kids love to buy and wear them." "I guess it's just part of our culture," I concluded, and we went on to another subject. For instance, Adam often talks about the government take-over in our lives, and it's scary to realize that he's right. I hear about their control in everything from parenting our kids to running our business, and this is from everyone we talk with in our travels. As I told Adam, "All I want to do is be left alone to live my own life quietly and peacefully." Suddenly, in the midst of our conversation, we were told that visiting hours were over, even though it was early. But, you don't argue with the guards, so we hugged and said our good-byes, agreeing that he could call us when he's ready to leave, if it's during the month. As I reclaimed my Driver's ID, I explained that my husband had to leave, and wouldn't be back until 2:30. The officer said, "There's been an incident, and we're ending early, but you can tell the outside officer that you're waiting for your ride." I didn't know if I'd be hearing gunshots, or what, but soon Van arrived and we left. The next time I saw Adam, I asked "What happened?" He said that another prison had an incident and they needed the officers, so everyone in his unit were placed in lock-down to minimize the need for guards. Just another day in prison. |
(The following excerpt from Out in the Universe, describes Adam's Day of Release: March 16, 2001, as Joyanna and Van share the day with him ) "FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON... AND A TIME FOR EVERY MATTER UNDER HEAVEN" (Ecclesiastes 3:1) A Happy Message "Adam will be out tomorrow"! Linda announced with great joy. With those words our plans changed. We would not return to Quarter Horse RV Park; that time had come to an abrupt end. Instead, since we were already in Tucson, we drove to Wal-Mart and parked for the night. "Adam will be released at 9:00 a.m., but he would like for you to be there at 8:30," Linda had added to her happy message. Because the Rules of Parole require a parolee to report within 24-hours, we had already determined that Adam would not be able to ride with us to his mom's home in Texas, south of San Antonio. It would take us several days to make the trip, so we would follow and arrive for the family celebration on the following weekend. However, we had agreed to meet Adam at the prison and drive him around town: to the bank to cash his government checks (pay for making screens) and, of course, to buy some new clothes, and to the mall to complete his return to society. It was the end of an era for Adam; and for me, too. We'd been corresponding for 14-years, while he was inside prison; now we would be establishing a new relationship; and he would be meeting a new world. For the next ten-hours, Van and I would be privvy to Adam's transition. Of course, the real changes had been taking place within him; this was simply the outer manifestation of a truth that had already been established. The Last Moments We returned to the prison and proceeded along the road that Adam had pointed out to me, toward the Administration Building, when we could see a guard frantically waving her arms. Van stopped in his tracks, trying to figure out what was going on. It didn't take long to find out, as an officer in a pickup arrived and informed us that we were on the wrong road, explaining, You have to go back to the entrance and go down that other road," he pointed, then added, "It's the same parking lot, but this road is only for state vehicles." Okay, so whatever it takes to get through these last moments of Adam's incarceration. Once in front of the bungalow that had been pointed out to us, we walked to the window and rapped, as designated by the sign. An officer appeared and we explained that we were there to pick up Adam Martin. "He'll be here anytime from 15-minutes to an hour," he explained, then said, "You can just wait in your vehicle. They will bring him out." Since this was a new experience for us, we occupied ourselves with taking in the surrounding scene: when we first arrived, several orange clad inmates stood outside the office where we had rapped on the window, and we assumed they were trustees, since this area was outside the fence, and soon they disappeared inside. Now, we watched a group of inmates digging in a synchronicity of orange movement: some slow, some fastere; one tall dude seemed to be taking out his hostilities with the world, as he shoveled, almost at warp speed. And the guard, in his white Stetson-like cowboy hat swaggered back and forth establishing the silent message: "don't mess with me." I'd noticed a car next to us, with two ladies waiting, and I momentarily wondered if they were there for Adam, too. But then I concluded they were awaiting another dischargee. Same with two professional-type ladies who arrived, went inside, and then left, so we assumed they simply had business with the prison. I looked around at the desert scene that had been Adam's world, off and on between transfers to other prisons, for fourteen years: cement buildings, wire fences, cacti, sand and distant mountains; one even had snow from the recent storm. A jet plane soared overhead, no doubt from the Tucson airport, and I thought about how many Adam had watched and wondered when he would be leaving this place. Well, today would be the day, and Linda had made his reservation for 7:56 that night, which would give us plenty of time to handle his errands and have a meal. We're Outta Here! Van and I tried to figure out just how Adam would arrive, and our questions were finally answered, at 9:00, when a white van pulled up, an officer got out and opened the door. I could see Adam inside and rushed out of our home to give him a joyous welcoming embrace, which I had arranged for Van to capture on camera. I looked at his blue sweatshirt and jeans and said, "I don't see 'Releasee' on there." "Yah, it is," he said, as he turned over the bottom of his sweatshirt, and also his T-shirt. Sure enough, in large print "Releasee." With that piece of business handled, I remembered that Linda said he'd have more stuff, so I asked, "Where's you TV?" "Oh, I left it with a buddie who's still got several more years to serve." "See, I said to Van, I said that's what he'd do, because Adam's that kind of guy." Adam really looked happy, and despite his 35-years tough guy facade, he looked like a kid, as he climbed into Freedom and shook Van's outstretched hand and set down the box of his lifetime possessions, accumulated in prison. Allright! We're outta here. Needless to say, Adam didn't want to spend any more time within sight of this place. Adam had Grown-up First on his priorities, a Bank of America to cash his checks and get some money in his pockets; a must for Adam's identity. He'd worked hard during the past seven months to assure this reality, and he had the callouses (on his hands) to prove it, which he showed off with pride. Indeed, Adam had grown up and his hands were only an outer proof of an inner process that we talked about, while he sat in the passenger seat and Van chauffered us to the nearest B of A. Adam admitted that, had he gotten out five-years earlier, he would have gone right back into his criminal lifestyle, because crime is an addiction and the patterns are established, and he loved the thrill of it all. But Adam had reached a point when he made the choice to give up his crime career, the family business that he had gone into, "Just like you, Dad," as the 60's song, Cat in the Cradle, emphasized. Crime was what Adam knew, and he was good at it; and he loved the control and the adrenaline rush of excitement. As he again talked about it, I commented, "Adam, it was not an easy choice for you to make, and the crime pattern will come back to try to entice you into it's power and control." "Oh, no," he said emphatically, "I'm done with it. I won't go back." "What's a Cellular Phone?" As we drove past the military air base, Adam pointed out the acres of stored planes to Van's attention, and they comfortably fell into man-talk, as my cellular phone rang. It was Dottie returning my call, so I asked her, "Guess who's riding along with us in Freedom?" And then I plopped the phone in Adam's hand and said, "Here's Dottie, say 'Hi.'" He obligingly took the phone and hesitated, as he looked at a device that had been invented in the past 14-years, during his incarceration." I explained how it worked, and he chatted with Dottie, part of his extended family, through mine. After all, she had written articles in The Rainbow Connection, and the Freedomers had read about her marriage to Steve, and birth of Airica, as well as watching all of my grandchildren grow up. Dottie is family to Adam, and it felt right for them to connect. When I got the phone back, she told me that she had said, "It must be a different world for you" to which he had readily agreed. We chatted awhile, as Dottie reminded me that they would be going to Colorado Springs for a Local Seminar, and would then take Airica and Josh to the airport for their spring break trip to California. I noted that it felt good for them to be living their lives, while I was living mine; an important aspect of my true identity experience. And I was grateful for the cellular phone to make the connection with Dottie, and then go on with my own life. Driving in Circles In the meantime, Van and Adam were bonding, and he directed Van toward the bank, following directions given to him by a friendly guard. In fact, as the day progressed, Adam was a wealth of information about almost everything. As he explained, "I ask a lot of questions," and added, "but it's not the same as being out here and doing it." For instance, while looking for the bank, he'd finally realized that we might have passed it, so we pulled into a Mervyn's parking lot and he asked a cab driver, who just happened to be parked there, for directions. Turns out we'd driven right past, but hadn't noticed it. So we began the first, in a series, of driving in circles; all within a few miles proximity to Wilmot Road, where the prison is located. Then-And-Now Up to this point, Adam had been in the womb of Freedom's protective walls, but once at the bank, he re-entered reality, and the pull between then-and-now began to close in on him, as his transition process unfolded. For anyone else, walking into a bank to make a simple transaction of cashing a check into money is fairly routine. But for Adam, it was a reminder of his last day of freedom when he and his dad were pulling a money order scam; he got caught and sent to prison; and his dad died from shots fired by a cop. Now, the new Adam easily walked into the bank and made his transaction; then stopped outside to smoke a much needed cigarette. When he returned, his comment indicated the beginning of his not unfounded paranoia, as he said, "I'm really feeling uneasy. That helicopter overhead reminded me that I could be under surveillance. Man, I won't feel comfortable until I'm out of this state." "But Adam," I protested, "you've done your time; there's no reason to believe they're after you, is there?' He momentarily slipped back into the old ways, as he said, "Are you kidding? There's a bunch of money out there that hasn't been accounted for, and they want it back. Then he covered himself by adding, "but I don't know where it is." I was beginning to get an inkling that all was not as simple as I might have thought with Adam's freedom, as he reminded me, "Not only are the Feds interested in me, but there are others who want me dead." Great! What have we gotten ourselves into here. At any moment, a big black limo could pull up and let forth a volley of machine-gun bullets, thus ending our Journey of Life. But the new Adam resurfaced as he said, "I wasn't sure if I was going to get my checks cashed with my prison ID card. The clerk wanted my Driver's License, and had to ask her manager what to do. "He said, 'Oh, he's just out of prison. Go ahead and cash his checks.'" Adam purred, as he continued, "She said, 'Cool.' She would have gone out with me, but I can't get into that right now." Ah yes, another aspect of the man, as he was beginning to evolve out of his fourteen-year cocoon. A Mound of Clothes We drove around in a few more circles, until we found Costco, another new concept to Adam. I mean, I'm used to the warehouse-type shopping, but Adam walked in and stopped in his tracks. But, once at the clothes department, he didn't have any problem moving forward. In the meantime, Joanie needed to eat, so we left Adam to his own reality while Van and I indulged in our traditional snack at Costco. Soon Adam appeared with a mound of basics: jeans and T-shirts, tennis shoes, underwear and socks, which he dropped into the basket. Van and I added a few items that we needed, including fruit, and Adam dropped a big bag of plums into the basket, adding, "I love these." We returned to Freedom where Adam quickly changed into his new wardrobe: black jeans and a white with black trim T-shirt, and his new tennies. When he reappeared, he said, "Now, I'm getting my image" adding, "but I need to get my sunglasses and a duffle bag." As Van drove, Adam gave directions, while munching a tasty plum and adding a bit of insightful history, between bites, "When I stayed at my aunt's, in Tennessee, one summer, a neighbor lady had a plum tree loaded with plums, so I asked if I could pick some. She agreed and I stripped the entire tree of fruit, and boy, did those plums taste good." Then he said with a devilish grin, "She wasn't very happy." More His Style At our invitation, Adam made the decision to go to a mall for the rest of his purchases, instead of Wal-Mart. As I thought about it, I realized that would be much more his style, and once he got inside, I knew this was the right choice. The sunglasses apparently were an important item for his desired image, and, to my amazement, there was a booth just inside the mall where he confidentally walked up to the young clerk and asked for his RayBan by its style name, knowing that within minutes his image would be transformed. I thought he would gladly shoot someone when he was told "They are no longer being made." What a letdown! They were so important to him that he decided he'd rather have none, if he couldn't have that tortoise-shelled style to complete his desired image. But all was not lost, as he spotted a jewelry counter and offset his disappointment by buying a gold lightning-bolt earring. "This will be meaningful to Michael," Adam commented and dropped the subject, as he placed a gold and diamond studded ring on his finger and a gold necklace around his neck. Important to his style. Ah, now his energies were coming out, as he looked around and headed for the hair salon. I wondered how long before this important facet of creating his Adam Image. When he originally outlined his itinerary, he said the haircut could wait, but I figured he would want to look his best for his family, and the right haircut would be his crowning glory. He'd already gotten rid of the tied-back ponytail and he'd felt much freer with his hair hanging loose, but the new layered look was a definite improvement, although later in the day he said that he'd gotten an 80's style and would need another haircut soon. Nevertheless, we'd been watching the evolvement of the 21st century Adam and his energies had been shifting with each step of the transition. What a privilege to be part of this process, since I'd been involved in the fourteen-years leading up it. In fact, it felt good when Adam had acknowledged to Van that I had been an important part of his transition process. I'd then asked Adam if he had tried to influence other inmates by talking about his choices for the future. He said, "No, not really, because all they're interested in is getting out there and doing more drugs." Ouch! That's a tough reality to deal with, but I said, "Well, maybe it will be possible to reach some, before they get caught up in it," I suggested, and asked, "Adam, would you be willing, once you're settled down, to write some articles about all this for my website?" "Sure," he replied, adding, "but I've got a lot to do when I first get home, so it will be awhile." But, for now, Adam walked from the salon into Radio Shack and bought himself a Walkman, so he could listen on the plane. Again, he knew exactly what he wanted, and the selection went quickly. As Fate Would Have it As fate would have it, Penney's had a 25% discount special, which helped reduce the cost of his final purchases; not so much an image issue, but necessity: a wallet and a duffle bag. In both instances, he knew what he wanted, selected it, and left. However, it took him a few minutes with the duffle bag, because the size he wanted had wheels, and he had to decide if that would be cool; reflecting on the weight of stuff he needed to transfer from his box, he wisely went for the wheels. Well, Almost One more stop would concluded the mall stop. Well almost. On his way to buy some tapes for his new Walkman, he said, "I've got an idea. I'll just be a minute." While Adam went into a Travel Agency, Van and I sat down. This had been a big day for us, so adding a tour through the mall had become tiring. Besides, it was 3:00 and we had been going at a fast clip. Now, we talked about what to do with the rest of the day. "Maybe we should just go on to the airport," I suggested, "to relieve Adam of the necessity for more paranoia." Actually, I'd begun to take on some of his apprehensions, though I'd insisted that he could change any negative repercusions by changing his thinking, a fact that he fully understands. Yet, it's amazing how conditioning quickly takes over in one's thinking and projections. While we were into our discussion, Adam appeared and asked, "Would you all mind a road trip to Phoenix?" We had originally thought that it would save time and money for Adam, if we were to drive him to the Phoenix Skyport, about a two-hour drive, but we were wearing down, and this was an unexpected surprise at this late date. I looked at Van, as Adam explained that he could catch the plane about the same time, and arrive in San Antonio an hour early, all this and saving nearly $100.00. By this time, of course, he'd gone through a lot of his money, and I knew this was a factor, because earlier he had said, "My mom is really going to be upset that I've spent all my money." When I asked, "Do you have money for the ticket?" he said, "No." Then I suggested, "I thought your mom bought your ticket." He replied, "No, she just made the reservation. I'm supposed to pay for it when I get to the airport." I asked, "Is this time for me to go into my anxiety on your behalf?" He laughed and said, "I'm only kidding. I have money for my ticket." I'd walked inside with him and talked with the Travel Agent. She checked Adam's reservation, made by his mom, to determine if it had already been paid, and learned that it hadn't. As he'd said, Adam would need to pay for his own ticket; another aspect of his having grown up and taking responsibility for his life. But I wondered what Adam had going on, from childhood, with his mom about money. However, I didn't get into those issues at this time. The agent noted that spring break had accounted for an increase in bookings, as she cancelled Adam's original flight and booked his new one, which he was fortunate to get, at this late date. He seemed much happier with the new arrangements and as we walked through the mall, he said, "She wanted a date with me. Oh yeah, I could tell." Yep, by this time Adam was feeling good about himself, no doubt. Now, all he needed to do was purchase his tapes, before leaving the mall. Again, I wondered what was going on with him about his mom, when he said, with a fiendish smile, "I'm not going to tell her that my plans have changed. They'll stand there waiting for me to come off the plane, and wonder what happened. Then I'll come forward and say, 'Hey, where you all been? I've been here for two hours." "Adam," I said in shock, "don't do that. It would be really upsetting. Your mother is stressed enough, and she doesn't deserve that." Still with his fiendish grin he said, "Oh yeah, I'm going to do it. It'll be fun." I knew this wasn't going to work, and it could possibly undo all the good that had been done in their relationship, but I didn't say anything more, I just prayed for Divine Order. A New Game Plan Of course, now we had a new game plane: no longer Tucson Airport, but Phoenix Skyport. The trip went quickly, as we talked about many subjects, including his various trips along this route, while being transported (chained and in a van) from one prison to another, and he commented on the growth of the area, and also the increased pollution, during those fourteen- years. We also discussed the relationship between Adam and Michael, a factor that could become a problem for these competitive brothers; each trying to prove his worth and maintain control. I suggested to Adam that it would be his job to reassure Michael that he's proven himself and there's no further need for the competition. He said that he understood and that he'd already planned on doing that, adding, "I really did some mean things to Michael." I suggested, "It's really important that you apologize to Michael for whatever wrongs you've done to him." As this conversation continued, Adam turned toward me and said, "The fact is that I'm going home to a bunch of strangers." I replied, "You're right, and guess what, you're a stranger to them, too." He got up from the passenger's seat and sat across from me on the sofa. I could sense his anxiety and vulnerability as we discussed the reality of the changes he faced in dealing with his own family, after fourteen-years absence. At that time, Michael was a rebellious eighteen-year- old. His mother, too, had changed from thirtysomething to fifty-something; a major gap that had brought forth some mellowing on her part. In other words, Adam no longer knew how to play the game, because the old game plan no longer existed. Furthermore, Adam had never met Ken, Linda's husband, nor JC, Ken's teenage son who lives with them. This meant that his male bonding skills would need to be developed for a whole new reality. For a person used to being in control, this was frightening. He truly didn't know what to expect, as he desperately searched for the familiar. I felt gratified that Adam chose to discuss these issues with me, and I prayed that they wouldn't cause him to revert to his old lifestyle. However, with all his inner changes, I felt assured that he would maintain the balance needed to move forward; and that love would be his answer. At some point, Adam asked to use the cellular phone. Thank goodness, he called his mom and told her about the change of plans. He even admitted to her that he'd planned to trick them. And she confirmed my concerns, as she said, "That wouldn't be nice." I could tell that Adam felt good about himself for his choice, and it was another confirmation of the positive results from making the right choices. And I certainly felt relieved. No doubt, he would do just fine. The Narrow Gate Before we reached the airport, around 5:00, the heavy commute traffic had turned southbound I-10 into a parking lot. But fortunatley we were going the opposite direction and with Adam's directions, everything had gone smoothly and it seemed like we were home free. Earlier, I'd asked Adam to call and find out where to park an RV, and the reply had been to go to the East Economy Parking Lot where we could take a free shuttle to the terminal. However, we hadn't been told that the main parking lot would be full, nor that the gate into the overflow was so narrow that we feared Freedom would not make it. But, Adam got out and carefully directed Van, who manuevered us through the narrow entrance, making us wonder if we would make it out on our own when we returned later that night. A Case For Paranoia The shuttle, the ticket, the pizza snack all went fine and we were sitting at the table, within an hour of departure. But Adam was not okay, which he evidenced by talking about his discomfort with flying and speculating that he might have an alcoholic drink, though he'd stopped over a year ago. I voiced my concern with that plan, and he said, "Okay, I'm eating instead." And, having eaten his pizza, he went to get a sack of food from Burger King. I noticed that Adam was not looking the same: rather than the new image, he looked stressed and tired, which he soon explained, "I'll be relieved when I get out of here," and added, "remember the guy in the parking lot?" I nodded, and he continued, "I just saw him again and he'd changed his clothes. I just have this terrible feeling that I am under surveillance." Again, we went through the conversation about changing his thinking so he wouldn't need to create that, and he said, "Well, I'll feel much better when I'm at Mom's." Then he explained that the reason he wanted to change flights from Tucson to Phoenix had to do with his fear that he would be followed, as he again said, "There are people who want to kill me." By the time he left to buy some magazines, I'd taken on his anxiety, as I noticed that several people, on cellular phones, seemed to be staying in the area a long time, and I became concerned that he was right. When we finally left to go to the Gate, Adam walked toward an elevator and we filed on behind one Latino fellow. Now, I felt paranoid, and wished we'd never gotten on that elevator, with only one person. After all, there's safety in numbers. And when the guy fumbled with the bag in his hand, I knew for sure that he would be pulling out a gun. Thankfully, we survived the elevator ordeal, but when Adam said that we had enough time for him to go outside for a cigarette, I insisted that we take the escalator. And when we returned, after getting someone to take our picture together, we were running late and didn't have time for the escalator, so again we took the elevator. But this time it was packed, as the spring break crowd, and everyone else, was arriving for their flights. So far so good! We stood in line, and gave Adam a final hug, and then he went through the metal detector and was gone. I must admit, that the fleeting thought went through my mind that it would be terrible if all these people had to die, if a bomb blew up the plane, just because someone had it in for Adam. Whew! Paranoid. I need to get home and take a break. Enough is Enough Fortunately, we didn't hear any explosions, as we rode around the airport, past all four terminals, on our return to the parking lot. And, by this time Adam's flight had departed. Now, we had to get back through that Entrance Gate, and we were so tired that we actually considered staying parked there for the night and just going to bed. But, it was really noisy, as the planes took off overhead, and I wanted to get out of there. So, we bit the bullet and I guided Van through quite easily. Perhaps it went more smoothly because we had a better angle this time. In any event, we were more than happy to be on our way. I might add, the car belonging to the mysterious traveler, was still parked by Freedom. "Maybe he's waiting for us to leave, so we won't be suspicious," I said to Van. "My Love," he wearily interjected, "do you honestly think the government is actually interested in spending that much money on tracking Adam?" "Well, I don't know. He seems to think so. Of course, there are those other guys who are out to kill him." "You never know," he replied, as we sped out of the airport and retracked our way to I-10. Within a few miles we reached the Gila River Casino and settled in on their parking lot for the night. Enough is enough! In Retrospect In retrospect, Van and I marveled at how well Adam had adjusted to these major changes in his life: from a highly controlled prison environment to freedom. And we both acknowledged that the inner freedom that he had attained, during his fourteen-years, had a lot to do with his ability to handle his new-found outer freedom. Nevertheless, having this day with us had allowed him to make the transition a little more easily, because we offered a supportive, non-threatening environment, while he dealt with the many aspects of life on the outside. It would be enough for him to handle all the emotional involvements when he arrived at the San Antonio Airport. But, at least he now had his new clothes and his new image, money in his pocket and his life intact. He was ready to deal with the complexities of family inter- relationships. We felt good to have shared this experience with Adam, and to have contributed something toward his new life on the outside. Van had explained to me that another faction for Adam facing the Arizona environment was that he had no safety zone; no place that he could retreat to, if necessary, to elude anyone that might give him trouble. In other words, he was exposed and vulnerable, a condition not acceptable to Adam, especially in these circumstance. I appreciated that Van had been involved with Adam's release day, and that they had bonded so nicely. In fact, it thrilled me, because it fulfilled my desire to have a husband in partnership with my ministry. But, usually Van chooses, whether conscious or unconscious, to withhold himself, which becomes a handicap for any kind of intimacy, whether professional or personal. Needless to say, his contribution to this day had been especially meaningful, not only to Adam, but to me. Perhaps this change was an outer manifestation of Van's inner freedom healing process, so I got to experience the culmination, not only of an Inside Freedomer, but also an Outside Freedomer's transition process. Van added that once Adam gets into his homeland Texas area, he would feel safer and more in control of his environment. And, of course, the peaceful sanctuary of the family acreage would soon restore his soul, as it was already doing for Michael when we were talking on the phone and he shared with me his joy of being in Paradise and seeing the sunset above the scrub oaks. Projection For a brief moment, after falling into bed, I thought maybe we should just head north and spend time with our friends in Albuquerque, before moving on to Colorado. But I knew that I would always feel incomplete, without sharing in the family celebration, and also Adam's birthday. Saturday morning I awoke, knowing that Adam was safely in the embrace of his family, and that they were no longer strangers, but a loving support system for each other. I longed to share in their experience, but I knew that this time belonged to them. Soon enough we would be there to celebrate the homecoming and Adam's birthday, the same day as his mom's. And I felt that we would be going home to our extended family, who would always be an important part of our lives. But, there was no hurry, and Van and I both felt tired from our exciting day; also, we still didn't feel well from our virus, so we chose to stay put, while I wrote my chapter, and Van rested. I'd tried to talk with Adam about our future plans, based on the ministry, but we agreed that he needed time to adjust to his new life. Also, he had become involved with The Rosicrucians and he was committed to their program, something like the Masons, which meant he would have a lot of studying to prepare for his first level. Also, he would traveling to Pennsylvania to attend a special retreat in June. So, I would keep moving forward with my website and see what God has in store, as part of His Divine Plan, with or without Adam and/or Michael. |
ADAM'S WEBPAGE Introduction by Joyanna Freeland |
">
">
">
">